Blog Post

Why marriages fail
Part One

Marriages divorce break-ups


From all the years I have been helping people and couples (couples are made up by individuals) I have summed it up to three basic factors. It can apply to any circumstances in life but I want to summarize to it for this particular area: couples. There are millions of opinions on why marriages fail and other million reason too. But the truth is that the facts on why they fail are not many. 

  • First is the communication and understanding factors. 
  • Second the lack of constant creation on the marriage for their future.
  • Third and most important, when one or both partners start breaking their agreements or moral codes a destructive mechanism start operating. 

 


These three are the main foundations of the marriage and its a domino effect if any of those are broken. 

In this blog I will explain to you the first truthful factor on how you can understand more about why a relationship fails and how to fix it. 


Lets take COMMUNICATION and its components

Mr. L.Ronald Hubbard did a great discovery by simplifying what is communication and its components. He developed something call the  THE A-R-C TRIANGLE. It is composed of AFFINITY, REALITY and COMMUNICATION, and the three together encompasses to an UNDERSTANDING. When one corner of the triangle breaks, as it can be communication, the other two (affinity and reality) also breaks. This leads to a lack of understanding. It is reversible too, when you discover which corner of the triangle you failed and you fix it the understanding increases and you have a happier outcome. It is called the UNIVERSAL SOLVENT by Mr. Hubbard. 


Let's see an example with the definitions.


Reality is meant by the agreements you make with others, the real things in life and solid things. Let's say for example that you have an agreement with your spouse on every Friday you have "date night" as an action to keep the relationship alive and do things of their liking. But for whatever reason the husband or wife starts breaking that agreement as it could be working late, going out with the guys, etc. This starts corroding the relationship and it starts creating tension in their marriage, Why? Because the basic agreement of "date night" was broken, something that was made to keep the marriage and it was made by both agreeing to it. From this break a whole mechanism starts operating like: "well you have done this to me so I will do it to you" kind of thing and this is the beginning of the dwindling spiral of marriage. From such a simple thing it starts snow balling and the deterioration of the relationship starts. 

I have done so many marriage counseling and when we go to the bottom of the issue, it all started with some minor thing. When the couple finds it, it miraculously dissolves all the rest and the marriage can start making new agreements. 


For Affinity we mean closeness, liking or love. As following the same example above, the couple is tense on the area (just because it broke one agreement) and the lack of closeness or affinity starts. "Don't touch me", "No intimacy", not being in the same room or being in their devices ensues. There is no affinity. The person that broke the agreement starts justifying many things as why he or she broke the agreement. (I'll explaining this point below). 

I have seen so many couples that they couldn't stand each other and when we start repairing  their reality and affinity the communication improves. 


Communication is the most important thing in this universe. It is the medium we communicate ideas, emotions, thoughts, art, music... well the list goes on. It's the most important part of the triangle, it's the foundation of fixing things or destroying it. Through out history we see how speeches have endured,inspired or destroyed societies. For example Martin Luther King with the "I had a dream" or the barking of Adolf Hitler. You get the point? But in our daily lives you have experience things you have written in social media that created a not so good effect on others. Why is that? Because you broke a reality or an affinity to others. 

Well in marriage is the same. You say things not thinking on how the other person will react or you know it will hurt but otherwise you keep doing it. Your communication is the portal of your thoughts and emotions and when you have broken agreements and you know it, you will start a mechanism  destroying your affinity and reality with your partner. Right?


Then there is no understanding. Here you see the huge fights, the divorces, the lawyers in between and the kids suffering. And in reality, the foundation of all this was very simple and it was broken on and on until the marriage is destroyed. 

 

To learn more about how to repair your marriage using this so important data you can see this video below and contact me for more information on how you can REPAIR YOUR MARRIAGE. 


Watch the video: 

https://www.scientology.org/what-is-scientology/basic-principles-of-scientology/the-arc-triangle.html

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